On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
