genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
