we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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