I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Randomize
