Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize
