yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
