if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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