Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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