so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
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