and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
