He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
