Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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