Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
