so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
