I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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