About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
We just shotgunned beers for America
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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