dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I'm lost and stupid without you.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
