You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
