I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
