So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
