Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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