4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
So vagazzling was a success
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
