he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
