and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
There r osticjed everywhere
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I came so hard my ears popped.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
