she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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