I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
