I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Randomize
