Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
