What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Randomize
