watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I've blown a few things in my day
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
