So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
if i died would you start the facebook group?
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
