I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
