Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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