your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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