ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
