I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Randomize
