I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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