she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Randomize
