i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
