If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
