..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
