You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
