Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
