Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
