yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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