Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Randomize
