please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
