I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
