yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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