He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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