Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
