he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
It's rum buckets o'clock
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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